Jacky doodle.

Dear Jacky Doodle (as you are commonly called by your littlest brother),

Yesterday I registered Micah for kindergarten. It was hard to believe that it's already been four years since you went to the kindergarten roundup and showed them how adept you were at identifying your colors and shapes, counting to ten, and telling them what town you live in ("The United States of America" you confidently declared). As Micah nervously walked up to the specialist (whom I didn't know) for his evaluation, she said before even looking at the name on his sheet, "Well, aren't you Jack Bailey's little brother!" 

Your academic achievements are macho indeed.

You've been told you look like your dad. 1,382 times.

What an honor to be Jack Bailey's little brother. I almost teared up as I took that moment into my heart. You are a blazer of trails, Jack. I can think of no better person to lead the way for Micah, Nathan, and Astrid. My mom has told me that the position of oldest child is a calling from God. I am really feeling the truth of that lately. You are resilient, forgiving, brave, and bold....

...and a Cougar fan. Once Dad bought you some cotton candy.

Tonight I snapped at you. AC woke up because you had turned the hall light on. This was the second night in a row it has happened, but I hadn't explained to you the connection. In that moment I felt, like I too often do, "you should be able to figure that out on your own. Geez!" You apologized about five times, and I sent you downstairs so I could try and get her calmed down. Then I felt awful. So truly awful.  Being a first child is a calling and a burden. We're learning with you. You're like the first crepe in the batch--we keep making a mess! Having too high expectations of you is one of my major parenting weaknesses, and it hurts my heart (and keeps me awake at night). 

I walked downstairs five minutes later and you apologized again. I apologized to you this time. You said it was okay and then came over to play with my hair while I rested on the couch. I'm endlessly amazed by how quickly you bounce back from disappointments and seek to make others feel better. You know that I love people playing with my hair. You also took it upon yourself to pluck my grays. How kind.

You got an iPod for Christmas. Bam! You started looking like a teenager.

As you grow older I feel both excitement and anxiety. Above all, I want you to be happy. And I know that true happiness comes from following our Savior.  

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 1:4