Mr. Personality

There are many days when I feel like our offspring didn't actually spring off of me. Somehow Jack ended up with all of these personality traits that I've always envied: Quick sense of humor, tough as nails, forgiving, confident, energetic, charming. I'm sure these are all traits that many children possess when they are two years old. However, I have spent hours pondering what I can do to ensure that I don't completely ruin him. I remember a sister-in-law telling me during my pregnancy that "the guilt begins now." That was dead-on. My problem is that I'm not just feeling guilt for current parental foibles but also for inevitable future parental foibles.

How can I help him grow up to be confident and self-assured without the cockiness or sense of entitlement that often follows parents' well-intentioned efforts? How can I make sure that when he trips and falls flat on his face during an elementary school game of Red Rover that he can shake it off while also laughing it off? I don't want him to have the regrets that I have--not trying out for this team or group, or not pursuing this area of study out of fear that it wouldn't come easily.

I think a lot of us have parts of our personalities that we would love to change. Sometimes I think I'd like to be more like my two-year old.

For instance, I would love to have the confidence to pull off this look:


Jack the Tourist. Utah Jazz hat. Thomas sunglasses. Thomas backpack (with a Lightning McQueen sippy cup safely stowed in the side mesh pocket). Neon green crocs.

Perfectionism, and how I suffer from it.

Wow. This blogging thing? It takes time. And a reliable internet connection. Two things lacking in my life lately. Things are finally settling down, and maybe--just maybe--you'll see/read more about the extremely exciting life we lead down here in the basement of my parents' house (thanks for the reliable internet connection, Mom and Dad).

I haven't told anyone about the blog yet, though some have already found it listed under my user name. Why the reluctance to send the requisite e-mail stating "I've finally taken the leap..." or "I've joined the blogging world..." or "don't expect much except endless pictures of my two-year-old..."? In my mind I had a vision of making my big debut with loads of interesting content, a smart banner, and a heavily photoshopped picture of myself. As soon as I sat down to tackle my glorious vision, I realized that I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner dishes to do. And an apartment to pack. Jack was watching Dumbo for the second time in ten hours. And I was mindlessly munching away on my third bowl of kettle corn (does the fact that it was a 100 calorie pack make it any less shocking?).

Wanting to create something worth reading is a noble goal. I need some goals in my life right now. That is, I need goals that don't involve the words "get down to my pre-pregnancy (fill in blank)." However, completely losing track of time and neglecting basic duties in favor of trying to create the perfect look for my blog was not a good thing. I could see this coming from a mile away. I won't do something unless I can do it well. However, I am ignoring my perfectionistic impulses and publishing this thing anyway--using the most minimalistic template, not worrying about the quality of my writing, and posting a three-year-old picture of me with more prominent cheekbones and the hair I like best.

In the meantime, while writing this post regarding my resolve to not neglect the more important things in my life, my husband--who was patiently waiting for me to finish this post so that we could say a family prayer--has fallen asleep.

So farewell, perfectionism.